The Organic Donuts

One weekend back in 2012, we had some fishing planned at a local lake. H and our nephew, T, who was then 10 years old, I believe, were hanging out until later in the evening.

After work the Friday prior to the fishing expedition, I picked up brother N, who was accompanying us (along with nephew, B, who has not yet arrived, so forget about him at this moment). As we got closer to the house, my phone rang. It was H telling us that her and T stopped for donuts.

H: “T and I were driving back home and I my car all of a sudden pulled into the donut shop. I don’t know what happened but since we are here, I figured we may as well get a box of donuts.”
Me: “Your car just went there on its’ own accord, huh?”
H: “Yeah. I don’t know what happened, it’s very weird. Since I’m here and all, what kind of donuts do you and N want?”

N is laughing loudly in the passenger seat as I just shake my head. Anyone who knows H understands that stating she is a donut lover, is putting it mildly. N, who is very much related to me, especially in the sarcastic humor department, sets what follows into motion:

N: “Well, I don’t know. Are they organic?”
H: “Organic?”
Me: “Oh jeez, that’s right, I forgot about that. Babe, N is really allergic to the normal dough they use for donuts, so the donuts have to be organic.”
N, pretending he forgot the phone was coming over my car speakers: “Sister, maybe this time it will be okay.”
Me, also pretending to forget: “No, no, I can’t have you in the emergency room before we go fishing.”
H: “Emergency room? What?”
Me: “Babe, last time N had a regular donut he went into shock and was hospitalized. It was horrible. It’s important to see if the donuts are organic or not.”
H, sounding wary but on the verge of panic: “Oh no, I already bought them. Hang on.”

H disappeared for a few moments. While we were treated to silence, N and I would pass glances back and forth, completely confused as to what happened. We finally shrugged our shoulders and waited. A few moments later, she returned.

H: “I don’t know what to do.”
N: “What do you mean?”
H: “Well, I ran back into the donut shop and asked the lady behind the counter if the donuts were organic. She gave me a weird look but said she didn’t know. Should I go somewhere else?”

Now, N and I were both a little shocked at this revelation and just looked at each other with open mouths for a moment. We fought and won the battle to control our laughter.

Me: “You went in and asked?”
H: “Yeah, I will stop at another donut shop and ask if they have organic ones.”
T finally speaks up in the background: “Aunty H2, there are no such things as organic donuts.”
H: “What?”
T: “They are just messing with you, there are no such things.”
Now I fully expected the joke to be over until we heard H say: “Let’s go in this donut shop and ask them. Babe, I’ll talk to you when you get home.”

H and I hung up, leaving N and I to ponder the fact that a 10 year-old wasn’t fooled while the 37 year-old was. I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth when it stands in front of me so I took the joke up another notch. I called T’s parental units and explained the situation so they would play along when they picked him later and dropped of B. Approximately 40 minutes later, we were all at the house and H had a giant box of donuts on the table. N picked one up and smelled it.

H: “What are you doing, N?”
N: “Sometimes I can tell if they are organic by how they smell.”
H: “Really?”
N: “Yeah, but these ones are tricky. The chocolate on the top is hiding the scent of the dough. Sister, I am gonna try one, and if I start to puff up, tell me right away.”
T’s mom: “Do you have epi-pen, just in case?”
N: “Naw, I used it last time I ate the wrong kind of donut and forgot to get another one.”

At this point, H was really looking panicked and our friends were biting their lips not to laugh.

Me: “Okay, bro, if you’re sure.”

N licks the donut, then takes a small nibble. He pauses and H watches him closely. He opened his mouth to attempt to speak and nobody could contain it anymore -- we all started laughing.

H looked at us confused for a moment then said, “Wait, were you f*&^ing with me? Oh my God, you were, and you were all in on it?”

We all nodded, then 10 year-old T sighed loudly and shook his head. “I TOLD you there was no such thing as organic donuts.”

NOTE: I have recently learned that there are now donuts made with organic ingredients, so while not technically organic donuts, they are often called that. Good thing this joke took place prior to this knowledge.