The Marinating Napkin

Asked my wife to marinade the defrosted chicken for tomorrow. I told her to put it in a vacuum seal bag, press the air out with her hand, then seal the bag. I told her not to use the vacuum part and to just seal it since the meat is already defrosted. 

I get home and look into fridge and see this.... 

Me: "Uummmm....what. In the hell. Is that?"

H: "it's chicken with lemon pepper seasoning and blueberry juice."

 

Me: "I see. But what is that?" And I point to the funky texture thing. 

 

H: "Oh That! It's lemon pepper."  

 

Me, pointing again at the dark purple textured thing on top of the chicken: "No, no it's not. What is this thing???? Inside the bag on the chicken..."

 

H: "Oh. Well I put juice in."  

 

I looked at her. I looked back at chicken. I looked back at her. She looked at me quizzically, as if I'm speaking something foreign. I looked back at the chicken and poked the bag.

Me: "Is this a paper towel??" 

H:"Oh that! Yes. I tried to copy what you do so the vacuum sealer doesn't suck up the chicken juice."

Me: "I see." Although I didn't really see. "So does that mean you tried to actually vacuum seal it even though I said to just seal it?" 

She nodded. 

Me: "So you poured juice into a bag then thought that somehow you would be able to suck out all the air without sucking the juice out?"

 

H: "Yeah. It didn't work. It made a mess."

Me: "Yes. I imagine so. This trick only works if it's meat more than half frozen and it's just to absorb any minute amount of blood before it reaches the sealer. It won't work if you pour juice into a bag."

H: "Oh. I guess I should've just followed directions, huh?"

That was when it hit her that she was basically just marinating a paper towel with our chicken for dinner. 

By the way, I don't really suggest marinading chicken in blueberry juice and lemon pepper --- it just tasted really weird.