Click Tampons

Okay, so my female readers will get more out of this than any male readers I have, I’m sure.

Have you seen those small compact tampons? Like the U by Kotex, the compact OB’s or one of the other brands out there that have the compact applicator? If you are not familiar with them, I’ve included a picture just so you can get the visual I am going for here.

So H and I have bought these for several years, as they are handy little things that so conveniently fit in your pocket or sock (yes, sock) if you are out and about. H had made mention a couple times that she was not a fan of them so one box would last us a long while. Recently, I was buying a box in preparation for some travel I had to do for school -- I don’t carry a purse so needed some sock-worthy sized plugs. As we are standing in the aisle of Walgreens looking at the boxes, I asked H why she didn’t like them. I’m not certain why, after 2 years, I decided to ask, but I did. Her response was priceless.

Me: “Why don’t you like these? They are so nifty.”

H: “I just don’t get them.”

Me, puzzled: “Umm, what’s to get? They are tampons.”

H: “They always fall out.”

Me: “Huh?”

H: “Yeah, they always fall out. I will push the end of the installer thing as hard as I can but it never really gets up there right. I’ll walk and it’ll just fall out.”

Me: “The installer thing? You mean the applicator, I assume. Why do you push it hard, it’s not like it’s a button. You don’t need to get a running start or anything. You just open it, pull out the thin end until it’s full size then use like it like a regular tampon. I am not really understanding the “falling out” thing.”

H: *silence*

Me: *Waiting for the blank stare to leave H’s face*

H: “Umm.....I..umm...you.....ummmm” then she falls into silence again while looking at me puzzled

Me: “Why are you confused?”

H: “You mean they turn into full-sized ones?”

Me: “Seriously?”

H: “How do they turn full-size?”

Now, at this moment, I am reminded that we are standing in the Walgreen’s aisle by a laugh coming from a woman behind us. I turned and met her eye, which made her giggle just a little louder. She was apparently waiting for my explanation because she did not walk away.

Me: “Honey, seriously. You open it, then you pull out the end until it clicks. Poof, full-size tamponage.”

H, incredulous: “It clicks?”

Me: “Umm, yeah.”

H: “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

Me: “Well, because I never considered that my wife would need instructions on how to use something she’s used since her teenage years.”

H: “Well, that explains why I could never get them up there right. I wish you’d have told me this sooner. Will you show me how they click when we get home?”

Me: “I am guessing so.”

Now y’all would think this is the end of it, right? Yeah, well, if you just nodded your head yes then you still don’t know the wife very well.

We proceeded home and the moment we walked into the house, she ran into the bathroom, pulled out a compact tampon, ripped it open, and made me show her how it extended. She was fascinated to the point of wasting several more, just to be sure she “got it.”

Hours pass. We go to bed. I’m sleeping. At about 2:30am, H gets out of bed for a bathroom break. I’m a fairly light sleeper so anytime she gets up, I wake up. through the closed door of the bathroom, I hear this:

H, through closed bathroom door: “Click. It clicks, just like magic. Click and poof, it’s full-size. Amazing.”

I laughed myself back to sleep that night. Such child-like fascination from an adult woman....